Gunslinger 101

Gunslinger 101 (Revised)

Because of several recent 
school shootings with a
horrid loss of young life,
some bloodthirsty citizens 
have called for classroom
to arm themselves and be trained
with high powered handguns.
The idea is that if an intruder,
bent on destruction, bursts into,
the classroom,
amid an otherwise dull 
lesson on proper nouns,
the teacher stands ready,
like Billy The Kid,

(who’d murdered many,
but caught a fatal bullet
himself at the still tender
 age of twenty-one.)
to protect his students and 
maybe even himself.
Good luck with all that.
I can see it now—
me cowering behind my desk,
the insane shooter shielding
himself behind a wriggling

armful of shrieking Jennifer,
while wildly reducing the 
to shredded chips of powdered
rubble with one of those 
AK47 gizmos.
Meanwhile I’m peeking over my
laptop, hoping to get a clear
shot just over Jennifer’s
shoulder, and wishing I had
buried a few IEDs in the floor
near the doorway so he could
experience firsthand the finality 
of smithereens.

Despite my religious upbringing,
I cursed out loud the fact I had 
neglected to string up a few 
strands of barbed wire to hold him
at bay while I rummaged in my desk
for a spare grenade to lob, but I
didn’t dare take my eyes off him
for fear he might touch Jennifer
My best option seemed to be just
wait until the shooter ran out of 

and the local Swat Team could swoop
in and, mistaking me for the shooter,
riddle me with bullets, and ask
questions later.
It’s probably best not to be arming 
the likes of me in a hostile situation.
Photo by Amaury Fernando on

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