Pop Quiz

Pop Quiz

Because of several recent 
school shootings with a

horrid loss of young life,

some bloodthirsty citizens 
have called for classroom

teachers

to arm themselves and be trained
to defend their classroom with handguns.

The idea is that if an intruder,
bent on destruction, bursts into,

a classroom,

amid an otherwise dull 
lesson on proper nouns,

(always capitalized)

the teacher stands ready,
calm and brave,

like Billy The Kid,

(who’d murdered many,
but caught a fatal bullet

himself at twenty-one)
 
to protect his students and 
maybe even himself.

I can see it now—

me cowering behind my desk,
the insane shooter shielding

behind a wriggling

armful of shrieking Jennifer,
while wildly reducing the 

blackboard

to shredded chips of powdered
rubble with one of those 

AK47 gizmos.

Meanwhile, I’m peeking over 
My laptop, waiting to get a clear

shot 

an inch or two above 
Jennifer’s shoulder,
			
perhaps grazing her ear, 

all the while wishing I had
buried a few IEDs in the floor

near the doorway 

so he could
experience firsthand the finality 

of smithereens.

Despite my lack of Seal Team training, 
I mildly cursed out loud the fact I had 

neglected to string up 

a few strands of barbed wire to hold him
at bay while I rummaged in my desk

for a spare grenade to lob, 

but I didn’t dare take my eyes off him
for fear he might touch Jennifer

improperly.

My best option seemed to be just to
wait until he blazed through a thousand 

rounds of ammo,

and the local Swat Team could swoop
in, and mistaking me for the shooter,

riddle me with bullets, 

and ask questions later, just like on
one of my dreaded pop quizzes.

. . . j

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