Gunslinger 101

Photo by Amaury Fernando on Pexels.com
Gunslinger 101

Several school shootings
have prompted some 

bloodthirsty citizens 

to urge school administrators  
to encourage and force

classroom teachers

to arm themselves and be trained
to defend their classroom with handguns,

a half-baked idea if I ever heard one.


The idea is that if an intruder,
bent on destruction, bursts into,

a classroom,

amid an otherwise dull 
lesson on proper nouns,

(always capitalized)

the teacher stands ready,
calm and brave,

like Billy The Kid,

(who’d murdered many,
but caught a fatal bullet

himself at twenty-one)
 
to protect his students and 
maybe even himself.

I can see it now—

me cowering behind my desk,
the insane shooter shielding

behind a wriggling

armful of shrieking Jennifer,
while wildly reducing the 

blackboard

to shredded chips of powdered
rubble with one of those 

AK47 gizmos.

Meanwhile, I’m peeking over 
My laptop, waiting to get a clear

shot 

an inch or two above 
Jennifer’s shoulder,
			
without grazing her ear, 

all the while wishing I had
buried a few IEDs in the floor

near the doorway 

so he could experience firsthand 
the finality 

of smithereens.

Despite my lack of Seal Team training, 
I cursed out loud the fact I had 

neglected to string up 

a few strands of barbed wire to hold him
at bay while I rummaged in my desk

for a spare grenade to lob, 

but I didn’t dare take my eyes off him
for fear he might touch Jennifer

improperly.

My best option seemed to be just to
wait until he blazed through a thousand 

rounds of ammo,

and the local Swat Team could swoop
in, and mistaking me for the shooter,

riddle me with bullets, 

and ask questions later, 
just like on

one of my dreaded pop quizzes.

. . . j
from the Senses and More Such collection

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